today // around 6:15 pm I had a missed call from my step dad & not even a second later, my brother John was calling me. I answer the phone & he tells me that he's driving to the hospital & that our mom had a seizure. I collapsed. Nothing like this has ever happened before- I wasn't expecting to hear those words. My older sister Jessica has epilepsy, so there's been a few calls like that, so I had to do a double take when he said "mom". After about an hour of me hysterically crying, trying to figure out how to get home- I found out that she was responsive & getting tests done. I'm more anxious & tense than I've ever been. I would rather feel the pain of child birth a million times over than hear any bad news about my family, especially my mama. I still can't stop crying or wanting to drive through the night to be with her. All of the tests came back negative but they are still sending her to a neurologist this week so they can go more in depth about what caused her seizure. My mom has always been healthy, so this is just a huge shock to me. I still can't wrap my head around it. Things change so quickly! Life is so fragile. That woman is my rock, my best friend. I call her every single day. Living away from her is already so hard for me. I've been through everything with her. I could go on for days about how much I look up to her. She is exactly who I want to be when I grow up. Whenever someone tells me that I look like her, I take it as the worlds greatest compliment. She is everything. 

The only reason I decided to share this was mostly because I needed an outlet, but also cause as much as I want this day to be over & as much as I never want to remember how I felt when I heard the news, it's a reminder to me. I'm so glad that I never hang up the phone without telling my family how much I love them, or miss them. Life can change in the blink of an eye. 

While all of this was going on, I caught myself thinking of so many different memories I've had with her because I needed to picture her anywhere but that hospital. We have been on so many adventures & I'm sure we will go on many more. 

Be strong, mama. I love you so much.

one year

Embrace it. Every single moment. As much as I believe in embracing every single moment, I feel like this past year has still flown before my eyes. I wish I could remember every single second, every feeling, every newborn cry, every call to my mom, every late night, literally- every moment. I have been so overwhelmed with happiness & emotions. I was made for this. I have no doubt in my mind that motherhood is my calling. He has changed me for the better, & he continues to do so, every day. Some days I feel like I can't keep up, I'm not doing enough, not pushing my workouts hard enough, or not reading him enough books, but I have to remind myself that he loves me, no matter what. The older he gets, the more love he shows me. I completely melt when he gives me loves. He lays his head on my chest, wraps his arms around me & looks into my eyes, giving me the sweetest grin I've ever seen. This. This is what I was made for. No moment has ever added up to be as great as being his mama. I feel like we are the only people in the world when that little boy has his arms wrapped around me. As cheesy as it sounds, it's the truth. I love this life. Being his mom. Spending every second with him. Making memories. This year was amazing, & I'm excited to see what the next one brings. I love you, Hudson Jase.

She,

In the dark, 

Found light,

Brighter than many ever see.

She,

Within herself,

Found loveliness,

Through her soul's own mastery.

And now the world receives,

From her dower:

The message of strength,

Of inner power. 

// - Langston Hughes 

slow process

I slacked off quite a bit during the holidays & I am definitely paying for it now! I still weigh less than I did before the holidays, but I don't even care about the numbers on the scale! Feeling confident & sexy is really all that matters! I have been back on track (for the most part) & it is kicking my butt. I'm trying to change it up every week- rotating between lifting, HIIT, yoga/Pilates, cardio, etc. I can already see a huge difference. I get bored pretty quick if I only stick to one type of exercise! The closer spring gets, the more motivation I have! I can't wait to go running outside again & do outdoor workouts with my little guy playing in the grass! 

I think, like most people, it's hard to be patient with yourself! It's hard to keep pushing, waiting for big results! That's why I'm glad I threw my scale away. It's so easy to become obsessed with that stupid number. After having Hudson, my body has changed! I never knew what it was like to have no muscle in my belly. I didn't know what it was like to look frumpy in workout clothes or have to tuck my loose belly into stretchy pants & cover up with a big sweater. It sucks! I give props to all the people who have pushed through, cause seriously, eating some donuts & watching Netflix just sounds so much better sometimes. But I've witnessed so many people power through & become the happiest, confident, people. So it's worth it!! It's a long, slow process. But there is a light at the end of a tunnel. Hopefully one that leads to being fit & also eating a donut. Haha balance. Balance is key. 

staying positive

We just moved back to North Dakota, unfortunately. I have been trying my hardest to stay positive about this decision. The job opportunity for Shawn is worth it, & winter is slowly turning into spring, so it's the perfect time to move. I am excited because we have friends here & it'll make the summer much more fun! I just don't really like this state unless it's warm, because it is so boring & there's no beauty to enjoy during all the snow storms & car accidents! I'm used to enjoying snow by looking at my big beautiful mountains, in Utah. Living here makes me more homesick for mountains. I'm just hoping it starts warming up so we can play outside again. 

Through all my mood swings about this move, I decided to start this week off on a positive note. //

My day has been so much better. I've been so happy & positive. Shawn started his new job - & we have been cuddled up by the heater all day. I'm laying here while Hudson naps, thinking about all the places I want to take him when it's warm out, imagining his excitement when our friend's dog has her puppies, catching tiny catfish at the pond, & bringing him the zoo we went to when I was pregnant with him! There's so many moments we miss out on by having a bad attitude. I've decided to make this move a positive thing. I'll be starting my classes in the next few months, Hudson's first birthday is next month, it's tax return season & every day is closer to summer time. 

friendship

It feels like ever since I found out I was pregnant- some friendships grew stronger & others slowly weakened. I tried my best to stay positive & attempt to keep putting my best effort towards those friendships but the closer I got to welcoming Hudson into the world, the less I cared to put my energy into friendships that were one sided. It's exhausting! During pregnancy, you are already going through so much & gaining a beautiful relationship with the baby growing in your belly. That connection becomes the most important & other relationships become so small compared to it. 

Now that he's here, he is my very best friend. It's hard to imagine even a minute without him. I spend my days reading to him, teaching him, bringing him on adventures, cuddling with him, nursing, & embracing every single moment I can. Don't get me wrong, it's not always perfect & some days, I just need a break. But when I get those breaks, I want to confide in friends who want to be apart of my life & listen to me vent occasionally. It doesn't happen very often - cause I don't share many personal problems with people. I always strive to have balance in my life, on top of trying to make myself a better person/wife/mother every day. Some days are waaaay better than others! I think having such a positive state of mind can be annoying to people who are negative. So maybe that's why some of those friendships fade away. Who knows - maybe it's just part of growing up. All I know is, I want friends who love me & my family - through & through. Not just fair weather friends.

I only have a select few who are my forever friends, the ones I know I'll be sharing all my motherhood years with -  ones I can call crying, ones who ask me about how my baby is doing, ones who will always, always be there. I'm blessed to have the amazing, genuine friends I do have. These days, women seem to compete about everything- especially when it comes to motherhood. I just don't understand it though. Every person is different- so why wouldn't every woman mother differently. There isn't just one way. I have gotten advice from so many different women. I take bits n pieces & use their knowledge daily. I wouldn't have it any other way. I just hope to be only surrounded by the best, even if it's only a few. I also hope that I can always strive to be a better friend, listen more, & help as much as I possibly can. 

My heart is so full. The past few days I've been reading the most heart breaking stories about babies/children with all different severe illnesses & mothers who have lost their pregnancies/children. I can't help but catch myself crying randomly or saying prayers for them & their families. I feel so deeply for them. I can't even imagine going through that type of pain. Especially after having a healthy pregnancy & baby boy. Life is so fragile. I think that's why I chose to be so positive & honored through my pregnancy. I was terrified of losing him- because I had miscarried the year before. It was one of the hardest experiences I had ever gone through, but my experience seems so small compared to these women who have lost their children. 

I pray for them every night. I ache for each & every family who has experienced such an immense loss. I lose sleep over reading these stories. I wish so bad that there was a way to help- to ease the pain or comfort them in some way. 

Every day, I remind myself to be patient & to feel blessed for the amazing experience I had being pregnant, giving birth, & raising my sweet boy. If there's anything I've learned, it's that time flies in the blink of an eye. I've learned that there will come a day where my baby will be grown, & I won't get to spend my days staring into his big brown eyes while I nurse him. I appreciate every moment. I have to- because don't want to miss a thing. This is my greatest accomplishment & blessing. I thank God every single day for this life.

// image found on Pinterest

yoga + meditation

I have been practicing yoga since I was about 17. It has helped me through so many different phases of my life. It was my way of finding myself, my inner peace. I have never really used it as a workout! I started out just stretching, before bed & random throughout the day. Then I started lighting candles & meditating at night. At first, I laughed at myself - sitting there in silence, saying "om" but it didn't take me long to realize how beneficial it was. Everything got silent, & I started teaching myself to shut out the world. Of course, I'm not master at meditation - but I've gotten better & better over the years!

I didn't realize how important yoga & meditation was to me until I had Hudson! My body was so different! My balance was off, my legs weren't flexible, & I could barely do a solid twenty minutes of stretching. But I kept at it! Even when Hudson was brand new- I would get him to sleep, then do my yoga poses in the dark, just to help myself wind down. There has been so many times that I've just wanted to go to bed or sit down & eat cookies - but I remind myself how much better I feel after. Even if it's just meditating for a few minutes! I need it. I have to calm my body & mind. 

Now that it's a new year & I'm feeling back to my old self, I want to become a more advanced yogi. I have already been practicing every day & hope to attend some classes when Shawn has a day off to watch Hudson! I have never actually taken a class. So I know I'm in for an amazing experience! I bet I have a lot more to improve on than I even realize! I will start posting photos of my progress.i can't wait to see how much better I will get by the end of the year! 

\\ 10 months

I don't even know where to begin!! This boy is a ball of energy & fun. The older he gets, the more his personality develops & I absolutely love it!! He is hilarious! Lately he has been doing anything to make us laugh! He fake laughs, throws his head back, leans over like he can't handle the laughter & even claps his hands. He knows how to wave, say "hey" & points at things he wants or just random things in the air. He loves American flags, balloons, & women. Oh man- I am in for it, you guys. He is such a flirt! We went to dinner the other night & the waitress was hysterically laughing every time she came to the table. He would watch for her, wave, flash her his big toothy grin & bang on the table. I love how happy he is! Everywhere we go, he makes new friends. I've never known such a beautiful, energetic little spirit!

During his 10th month, he got his first stomach bug. It was so sad - it broke my heart to see him that way. I was so glad that it only lasted 24 hours! While he was sick, he also cut 4 top teeth! So he has 6 now! He still doesn't like very many solid foods other than organic yogi bites, applesauce, sweet potatoes & any type of fruit! I'm not pushing too much on getting him on lots of food. We do everything at our own speed & he is still nursing like a champ. 

Dislikes - wearing clothes, having socks on (like his mama), being told "no!", mashed potatoes, being put down when he's tired or just waking up, when I take anything from him, & barking dogs.

Loves- cabinets, anything that has wheels or he can push, anything he can use as a drum, appliances, old remotes, pretending like he's driving the car, pillows, peek-a-boo, & cuddling with mom n dad when he's sleepy. 

He has taken about 10 steps on his own. We practice every day! He gets so excited & starts waving his arms around that he usually falls down. Haha he's really slow n steady with his walking tough- he doesn't just take off. He practices balance with each step he takes!

Every age has been so much fun- I love having new adventures & being able to do more with him & watch his personality grow! He is so contagious - it makes this journey that much more fun! I love my happy, crazy, little cub.

fearless

So I've always gone back & forth about how much of my life I share on social media & my blog. Not because I care about people's opinion of me & my family, but because it terrifies me not knowing who sees it. Because of things I experienced as a child, I have a problem trusting people & how much I share with them. But, lately I have felt so strongly that I should be more fearless. I can't stop writing & documenting because I'm scared sometimes. When I look back & read my posts about my pregnancy, I'm SO glad I shared as much as I did. It helps me relive those precious moments. 

I have been so inspired by some of the blogs I've been reading lately. I love finding new mom's to follow & learn from. I find little things to take from each one of them, to help me be a better mother. I hope to inspire other women the exact same way. 

I think that I get scared to share my opinion or outlook, but I've decided that if someone doesn't like it, they can just stop reading. I can't wait to start sharing more experiences with all of you! 

Winter is here!

Our first summer with Hudson flew by so fast- I was so sad when it started getting cold! Now, I'm even more bummed cause Wyoming only had a couple weeks of beautiful fall weather. It's officially winter!! We winterized our camper, plugged in all our heaters, & started using the crockpot every day!

As much as I miss the warm days & going on adventures with Hudson all day, I know our first winter together will be a blast! I can't wait to have our own Christmas! Usually Shawn & I just drove home to Utah & switch off between our families. But this year, we want to keep it simple & do our own thing. I'm so excited! Hudson's first Christmas will be a memorable one! If anyone has any cute craft ideas, send 'em my way! 

Hudson has done surprisingly well being inside all day. We usually get cabin fever pretty easy- so we have to do lots of activities to keep us busy! He is scooting/army crawling all over the house! Any time I'm doing workouts or yoga, he is pulling himself up on me or trying to pick up the weights. Haha it definitely makes my workouts take longer! I don't mind though - I have my whole life to workout, & only a few short years of him being this little & learning so many new things! He has been testing out trying to stand on his own & it scares me so bad!! He even gets this excited look on his face, like he's so big & proud! I think he will be walking before he's even one! 

Post Baby Body!

Getting my body back after Hudson has not been as easy as I imagined! I thought, for some reason, I would be one of those lucky girls who doesn't get any stretch marks & got their body back just weeks after giving birth. FALSE. I ate relatively healthy during my pregnancy, but I definitely indulged a lot. I wouldn't change a thing though! I drank a green smoothie every day, snacked on almonds, drank tons of water, had an apple & orange a day, only organic/noGMO, etc. It was crazy! But there's nothing more rewarding than having a healthy, smart baby boy when those long months end.

Since having Hudson, I have busted my butt getting back in shape! I started going on daily 2 mile walks 6 weeks post-partum, eating 60% healthy, & doing little Pinterest workouts. I rarely worked out while I was pregnant, so my muscles were like jelly! I cried during my first plank! I am so happy to finally be back to normal. My body is so much different though. Not as firm & my belly is still pretty loose & fluffy. I try not to be too hard on myself though. I just make it a goal to be better than I was the day before. Especially with clean eating. Cause some days, I need a freshly baked cookie or pizza on a Friday night! I feel so much better when I've been eating clean, that alone, is worth not giving in to crappy food.

Now that its getting colder, I thought it would be hard to stay on track- mainly because I was living off fresh fruits & vegetables all summer! There is nothing better than starting your day with a bowl of fresh fruit! Ah! I already miss my daily pineapple fix. I started searching healthy fall recipes on Pinterest, and surprisingly, I love them! We are already adding them into our weekly meals. I have been stocking up on zucchini, squash, & apples. It is so easy & simple to just cut up some zucchini, toss it into some coconut oil & put on top of some brown rice or quinoa. I love it! The hardest part about eating healthy is the convenience. I try to keep Luna Bars, almonds, boiled eggs, Skinny Pop & a water bottle in my diaper bag at all times. It has kept me from grabbing random foods when I'm out n about! With a busy baby like Hudson, I have to have back-up snacks just in case we get caught up playing at the park or wandering around book stores!

I will be updating a lot on my progress with eating clean & getting bikini ready for next summer, mostly because I know it will keep me accountable, but also because I know how much I love a good mom/fitness blog!

life via camera roll // the past few weeks

7 months

Loves: appliances, eating anything he can get his hands on, climbing all over mama, seeing his reflection, trees, grass, animals, & bath time!

Dislikes: having his face wiped off, being changed in public places, riding in the car at night, rice cereal.

He is at such a fun age & it is a blast being able to play with him all day. He is just learning to scoot around & has been sitting up for a few weeks. He loves to eat! When he's grumpy, all you have to do is show him a microwave or the fridge. I don't know why he loves appliances so much but it never stops making me laugh. We are even thinking of bringing him to Home Depot to show him all the fridges! He is definitely starting to grab everything - I have to keep an eye on him constantly. I love it though! He is so smart & fearless. Which also scares me! I don't know what I'm going to do when this kid is walking! Every day he learns something new & becomes more independent. I'm trying to enjoy every stage he goes through because they pass so quickly!! Being a mom is seriously the best. 

Utah //

I have been visiting Utah for a few weeks now & it's the first time I've been away from Shawn with Hudson. I'm so ready to be back to routine & have my little family back together! We wouldn't have normally stayed so long but my big sister flew out for 10 days & I couldn't miss out on all of the siblings & grandbabies finally being together! The days went by so quickly. Sitting in a room with all of them felt surreal. Staring at my mom & sisters, remembering exactly why I always wanted to grow up & be a mix of all three. Watching all the kids interact was seriously priceless!  

Hudson is growing right before my eyes. I get pretty emotional about it. That kid is my whole world. He is such a happy little guy & it amazes me to watch him light up a room - even a room full of strangers. His happiness is the reason I wake up every morning. The last couple weeks, he has been teething, having a growth spurt & caught his first cold. It was pretty rough. But between his fevers, our long naps, stroller rides & constant distraction - he stayed happy. Smiling through the coughs & laughing while trying to bite everyone's fingers off! He officially has 2 adorable teeth, almost sitting up & we have been introducing food! I'm hoping to get back on track with posting his monthly updates - there's so much that needs to be documented. Time is just flying!! I can't believe he's almost 6 months. Ahh!

settle down

We have started getting comfortable in the new (old) apartment we moved into. But we both feel like something is missing! We keep coming up with ideas like, moving back into the camper & going to a smaller town where there's more outdoor activities that we enjoy. There's a few other opportunities that have come up also - ones I won't share til we know more information. But, we are restless! I thought having Hudson would make us feel more settled- in so many ways, it has, but we love our adventures & while he's still small enough where moving around doesn't affect schooling, we might as well! Even then, maybe I'll just home school him. ;) There are no set plans yet, but I'm hoping we don't choose to stay in one spot. It always seemed like such a hassle moving around for his work, but now we are getting the itch to do it again! 

As far as post partum goes, I think I'm back to my old self! Granted, I still have a few more pounds left to lose& I'm definitely trying to get rid of the loose skin on my belly! Our bodies are so amazing. After giving birth, I felt like I was learning how to function all over again! But now, I'm back to working out at least an hour a day, eating clean 80% of the time & always drinking water! I'm not doing any extreme diets or cleansing to reach my goal. This is a lifestyle, not a short term goal. Also- with breastfeeding, I would never risk my supply lowering just because I want to drop extra weight! It's so crazy to get back to normal though. I miss pregnancy every day - & I never felt more beautiful than when this little guy was growing in my belly. But now I get to feel that way everytime I look at him. My little love. 

I'm working on a few projects right now & can't wait to share them with you all! Having Hudson has made me more motivated & more determined than ever to chase my dreams & be the best mama possible. I can't even imagine the girl I was before my little Hudson came along. Every day gets sweeter & sweeter.

peaceful

Sunday morning with Hudson all to myself, drinking my coffee & listening to quiet music that's making me wish it was fall. These moments are some of my favorite, now that I'm a mama. Baby sleeping in my arms, smiling & holding onto me - imagining all the adventures we'll go on, the things I'll teach him, the music he'll discover & all the little things that will fascinate him that I take for granted every day. But for now, I'm so happy that he's my four month old, sweet baby boy. Relaxing & resting up for another rolling session in the living room. He is the reason I was created - love this nugget so much. 

Every night, after we've put Hudson to bed- we lay down & talk about how amazing he is. Look through all our pictures/videos & of course, I usually find an excuse to go check on him. It's also like that when he naps during the day! I love the break & being able to get stuff done, but I feel like half of me isn't there because he's not awake & I can't see that little boy's face light up when I'm kissing him & telling him how much I love him. There is no better feeling. 

This week he experienced Brother Bear for the first time - & for those of you that don't know, that's one of my favorites! His reaction honestly made me cry. I'm ridiculous- these mama emotions are insane. Hudson was kicking, smiling, making noises, yelling & laughing! I couldn't even handle the cuteness. It's so fun to watch him experience things like that. Another thing he learned this week is how to pop his tongue! We do it back n forth all the time now. He gets the biggest smile when I do it!

I adore seeing him grow & learn, but it is definitely bittersweet. I wish I could freeze time! He is getting so big & developing the sweetest personality. I love him more, every day! We always talk about how slow time goes by those last few weeks, waiting for our boy & how once he was born, time just sped up! Days pass so quickly. I'm really hoping that once we get settled into our new place, time will slow down! But for now, I'll embrace every second- because I know these little moments will pass.

Oh, we found a new place! We have moved so many times since Hudson was born! I'm hoping this is the last time for a while. Our apartment is in a 4-plex, the exterior is pink & it needs a little work before we feel completely at home there! Tonight we are re painting the interior. This weekend we will move in, but there will still be remodeling going on. The beginning of the week, we have someone putting in new flooring in the kitchen & bathroom. Along with us installing new cabinets & countertops! I'm pretty excited to have a project & make it feel like home, but I can't wait to get it all done! I have been thrifting so much lately - finding all sortsa treasures for our new home. I'll have to post pictures when things get more settled! 

Shawn has been working 6 days a week & still coming home to go do work on the new place - I don't know what I would ever do without him. He still manages to be sweet as ever & even rock Hudson to sleep so I can lay down & relax. That hubby of mine is a total babe. 

holding on with his hand & foot

[ 2 months ]

my little man is growing more every day - & I'm falling more n more in love with him. 

Transitioning to Mama Bear

Being a mother is seriously the best thing. Ever. I know it sounds cliche- but I've never felt more comfortable in my own skin. He has changed me 100%. He motivates me to be a better person, not just a better mom. I find myself getting emotional over anything to do with family. It is really the most beautiful blessing. Now that he's here, I can't imagine my life without him. I don't know how my mornings were ever happy without waking up to his cute little toothless smile.

Before Hudson, my days consisted of sleeping in til noon, drinking coffee til 3, working out, cleaning, making dinner & playing on Pinterest all day. Then my weekends were going on adventures with my hubby & taking lots of naps! I had no idea how boring I was. I told Shawn just last night that I've always fantasized about being a mom, and how much fun I would have with my baby- but now, I fantasize about my white cloud-like bed & a long nap. He reminded me that I've been the queen of sleep for years & that I lived it up before becoming a mama. Haha // he also made a comment about how nice it is for me to be tired at 9 instead of bugging him to stay up and watch movies with me every night, like I used to. Granted, Hudson has started sleeping through the night & it has been heavenly but I wake up naturally, just to check on him. Mom senses are no joke! 

We are getting pretty used to his schedule & it makes planning outings much easier! Although, I'm still trying to get used to trying to nurse in public. It is so awkward, and Hudson isn't crazy about being completely covered! Every morning, I go running/walking at the park & Hud absolutely loves it. He usually sleeps, but when he's awake, he is SO happy listening to all the different birds chirping! Seeing him in the stroller helps me push myself harder too- sounds crazy, but I remind myself that I gave birth to that little cutie & labor is much harder than running up a hill! While giving birth, my mom kept telling me "You can do hard things!!" & I say it to myself all the time. Not just when I'm working out! Not every day is heaven with a baby, sometimes he is a fussy little punk & doesn't want to do anything but yell at my boob & fuss when he's not nursing! So on those days, I've learned to get some snacks, turn on a movie & just love on him! I'm tellin' you, it took me a while to figure out how to be patient. I can't even tell you how many times I called my mom crying about how I couldn't even get up to go to the bathroom & it was 5 o'clock & I still hadn't eaten! Haha I'm so glad that he's more content & actually likes being in his monkey chair so I can have a break!

It is so crazy that my baby will be 10 weeks tomorrow! Every day goes by so quick. He is already growing out of newborn clothes & wears size 1 diapers- almost ready for the next size. Ah!! Where has the time gone? He talks to me all day & has started watching animated movies with me! I can lay him down on his boppy & he will just lay there amazed at the screen, sucking on his fist! He is obsessed with his hands lately! It's the funniest thing! Instead of waking up crying, I can hear him sucking on his hands. Its so cute to wake up to! He is getting so chunky, I am always nibbling on his rolls & kissing his chubby cheeks! He already gives me looks like I'm crazy whenever I smooch him all over his face! I love it so much. He is the cutest thing in the world!

I'm still working on my Labor & Delivery story- it's taking me forever! There is just so much to tell & I don't want to forget little details! It already seems like I'm forgetting some of it! My mind is just all over the place. That's one thing I wish I had done right after I had him! So, advice to other new mama's- write it down! They sleep so much the first few weeks & there's definitely time! I still had such a strong nesting instinct the first couple weeks so in my spare time, I was deep cleaning everything & doing laundry. Don't do that. Haha it doesn't help you heal any sooner & you'll be even more drained! It's so funny how during all the painful contractions, I kept thinking I only wanted one kid now, because it hurt so bad! But then after the whole experience was over & he was in my arms- I wanted to do it all over again. Its so amazing. Ah. That's another bit of advice for new mama's // Don't let horror stories about L&D scare you- it will hurt, you will feel like it is impossible to get that baby out of you, but you're made for this! I remember I was most nervous about being spread eagle in front of people, but once its happening, you don't even notice because your mind is completely focused on getting your little sweetheart out! 

Anyway, I'm getting anxious now that Hudson has been napping for two hours. I'm ready to play with my baby!!